By: Lauren Chee – The Centre for Effective Living
Motherhood changes far more than the daily routine. The good news is, you’re not losing yourself, you’re becoming someone new.
I recently came across the concept of matrescence, and it is a framework I wish more women and mothers knew about.
Matrescence refers to the profound transformation a woman undergoes as she enters and moves through motherhood. Just as adolescence describes the developmental transition from childhood to adulthood, matrescence describes the transition into motherhood. (The equivalent term sometimes used for fathers is patrescence.)
There is a saying that when a baby is born, so too is a mother. Scientific research suggests there is truth to this idea. Pregnancy, birth and early parenthood involve significant biological, psychological, social and relational changes. Motherhood is not simply something a woman does—it is also a process of becoming a mother.
Perinatal psychiatrists Edna Lekgabe and Alexandra Sacks have helped bring attention to this concept, describing motherhood as a developmental stage that deserves the same understanding and support we offer other major life transitions.
Three Things Worth Knowing About Matrescence
- Matrescence is a developmental earthquake
Matrescence is a period of intense and often simultaneous change. Hormones shift, sleep patterns change, relationships evolve, priorities are re-evaluated, and a woman’s sense of identity may be challenged and reshaped.
For many women, motherhood represents one of the most significant transitions of adult life.
The comparison to adolescence can be helpful. During adolescence, we expect young people to experience emotional, physical and social upheaval as they grow into a new version of themselves. We recognise that this process can be messy and difficult. Matrescence invites us to extend that same understanding and compassion to mothers.
Rather than expecting women to “bounce back” to their old selves after having a baby, matrescence acknowledges that they are undergoing a profound developmental transition.
- Motherhood often involves a push-pull between your old self and your new self
One of the most challenging aspects of matrescence is the tension between competing needs and identities.
As a mother adapts to caring for a baby, her attention is naturally drawn toward meeting the baby’s needs. At the same time, parts of her pre-parenthood identity remain present—the desire for rest, autonomy, hobbies, exercise, friendships, career fulfilment, and personal freedom.
Many mothers experience guilt or confusion when they simultaneously love their baby deeply and miss aspects of their previous life. Yet these seemingly conflicting feelings are not signs of failure. They are a normal part of adapting to a new role.
Matrescence helps explain why motherhood can feel both deeply meaningful and deeply challenging at the same time.
- “Baby brain” may reflect adaptation rather than decline
Many mothers describe increased forgetfulness, mental fogginess or difficulty concentrating during pregnancy and early parenthood.
Research has found measurable changes in the maternal brain that appear to reflect the brain rewiring and pruning itself to focus on caregiving, developing attachment and being responsive to a baby’s needs. These studies suggest that these changes may help mothers become more attuned to social and emotional cues, particularly those related to their child.
While many women jokingly refer to the forgetfulness and word-finding difficulties as “baby brain,” this label can overlook the amazing work the brain is doing during this period. Although the cognitive changes can feel frustrating, research is suggesting that they are part of a complex process of neurological adaptation and not a loss of ability.
Looking After Yourself During Matrescence
While matrescence is a normal developmental process, it can also be emotionally demanding. Giving yourself language to describe what is happening can help you approach this season with greater self-compassion.
- Give yourself permission to adjust
Many women derive a sense of identity, competence and achievement from work, study or other pursuits. Maternity leave can represent a significant shift away from these sources of validation and towards the largely relational work of caring for a baby.
It is normal to miss aspects of your previous life. It is normal to grieve certain freedoms while also feeling grateful for your child.
You may never return to exactly who you were before becoming a parent, and that is not necessarily a loss. Over time, many women develop a new sense of self that combines both who they were and who they are becoming.
- Make room for mixed emotions
Parenthood often contains seemingly contradictory experiences: joy and exhaustion, gratitude and frustration, connection and loneliness.
Rather than judging these emotions, it can be helpful to make space for contradictory feelings. Ambivalence is not evidence that something is wrong. It is completely normal in the adjustment to the complexity of parenthood.
- Rebuild important needs intentionally
The demands of caring for young children can leave some emotional needs feeling neglected. Consider which needs have become harder to meet in this season and look for small, realistic ways to nurture them.
For example:
- Need for mastery: Start a small project that provides a sense of accomplishment.
- Need for intellectual stimulation: Listen to podcasts, read books, or complete a short course on a topic that interests you.
- Need for relational connection: Seek opportunities for meaningful conversations with other adults that extend beyond discussions about children.
- Need for autonomy: Identify small moments during the week where you can make choices based on your own preferences and interests.
- Need for rest and restoration: Accept support where possible and prioritise recovery without guilt.
A Final Thought
Matrescence reminds us that motherhood is not simply about raising a child, it is also about the emergence of a new version of yourself.
If you, or someone you know, are finding this transition difficult, it does not mean you are doing motherhood poorly. It may simply mean you are in the midst of one of life’s most significant developmental changes.
It’s also important to remember that while matrescence is a normal process, persistent symptoms of anxiety, depression, trauma or emotional distress are not something you need to manage alone. Seeking support from a health professional can make a meaningful difference during this season of adjustment.
Article supplied with thanks to The Centre for Effective Living.
About the Author: Lauren Chee is a psychologist who understands the importance of forming a caring therapeutic relationship with her clients, and uses evidence-based skills that can lead to positive and lasting change. She has a special interest in anxiety-related disorders, OCD, social skills, parenting and attachment, child mental health and learning difficulties.
Feature image: Canva
