By: Telana Sladen
Chores aren’t just about cleaning the house.
According to child psychologist, Susan Woodworth, it’s important that our children contribute to the household, and part of this is taking part in jobs around the house.
“You want them to grow into responsible people who have an internal sense of being driven, responsibility. It keeps them engaged in your family even when there’s no one there to reward them.”
Pocket Money
When asked about incentivising it with pocket money, Susan said, “When we link pocket money to chores, we can actually undermine the thing that we’re trying to build in our children.”
“Imagine giving your child an allowance to scrub the toilet. They’d probably do it, but only as long as the money keeps coming. Once you stop giving them pocket money or the allowance, the toilet scrubbing is going to stop too.”
Susan reinforced the need for them to contribute to the family, home and society.
“You want them to be engaged, contributing members of their community.”
It Has to be Done
The reason we teach our children to do chores is not so they will learn about reward, but because they are learning that things need to get done and that collectively, we’re the ones to do it.
“It has to be done, and you actually like to use a clean toilet. It’s intrinsically motivating.”
Susan explains that there are two types of motivations.
“There’s extrinsic motivation, which comes from outside the person, such as rewards, sticker charts and pocket money. Intrinsic [motivation] is the inner drive to do something because it feels meaningful or worthwhile.”
If chores are only linked to pocket money, that drive will only last as long as the pocket money that is coming in.
“But if it’s intrinsic, they’ll want to do it because it actually feels good, it feels worthwhile, they want to help. And they like things clean.”
Belonging
Susan acknowledged that it is difficult to get teenagers to care about chores and to see the value in cleaning. But it’s actually about belonging.
“ When kids feel like valued members of the family, they want to contribute. It’s wired into us. Like as humans, we want to belong. So instead of framing chores as like this job we have to do, we can frame them as, this is how our family takes care of each other. This is how our family takes care of our home.”
Change the Language
“The language can change a bit. It’s their way of saying, ‘I love my family and I want to be part of the team helping it run’.”
Some families don’t even use the word chores or jobs. They simply add it to ‘things that help our family’ and they do the task together.
“Those small word changes can change how a child relates to the things you’re doing.”
Allowances
Susan said there is an allowance to giving your children an allowance based on chores.
“When there is bigger stuff, because it’s good for your children to have an allowance and pocket money as well. It’s good for them to learn to manage money and earn money. So for those above and beyond chores, like washing your car or weeding and mowing the lawn.”
She stressed it is more of an opportunity for them to understand how to earn money. Then they can weigh up effort and reward which is a skill they should be taught.
“Is it worth $5 to mow the entire lawn? Oh, actually, maybe it is,” she said.
“It’s about getting the system that works for your family, not the perfect system. It’s about staying connected to why you’re building those skills for the child that you’re going to guide into adulthood. You need to let your kids know that they belong to your family and your family runs on love and contribution and yes, even a clean bathroom every now and again.”
Article supplied with thanks to Sonshine.
Feature image: Canva
