By: Johanna McCarthy
As a psychologist, I often talk with clients about the different ways people process their emotions.
Some individuals tend to direct their feelings inward, while others express them outwardly. These tendencies are often described as internalising and externalising. Neither is inherently good or bad, but understanding where you or a loved one might fall on this spectrum, can help with self-awareness and emotional well-being.
What Is Internalising?
People who internalise their emotions tend to keep their struggles to themselves. They might experience:
- Persistent worry or self-criticism
- Feelings of sadness, guilt, or shame that are not easily expressed to others
- A tendency to withdraw from social situations when feeling overwhelmed
- Physical symptoms of stress, such as headaches or stomach aches
If internalising is not addressed, it can lead to long-term mental health challenges such as chronic anxiety, depression, or even physical health issues due to prolonged stress. Over time, individuals may struggle with low self-esteem, social isolation, and difficulty expressing needs or setting boundaries in relationships.
What Is Externalising?
In contrast, externalisers express their emotions outwardly. They might:
- React quickly with frustration or anger when upset
- Struggle with impulse control, leading to conflict in relationships
- Express their feelings through actions rather than words (e.g., shouting, slamming doors, or physical restlessness)
- Seem less aware of internal emotional states, focusing more on external circumstances
If externalising is not managed, it can result in strained relationships, difficulty maintaining employment or academic success, and potential issues with aggression or risk-taking behaviours. Over time, these individuals may develop patterns that make it harder to regulate emotions, leading to ongoing interpersonal and professional challenges.
Finding Balance
Most people do not fit neatly into one category; rather, they may lean toward internalising or externalising depending on the situation. The key is finding balance:
- If you internalise, practice expressing emotions in safe ways, such as through creative outlets, movement, or direct communication. One helpful exercise is expressive writing; setting a timer for 10 minutes and writing freely about your thoughts and feelings without judgment. For more info on journalling about our emotions, have a look at this resource from Lifeline Australia.
- If you externalise, work on slowing down your reactions and increasing awareness of underlying emotions before acting. A useful technique is a pause-and-breathe method; before responding to a situation, take a deep breath, count to five, and reflect on how you want to express yourself. Additional breathing techniques can be found here, the most important thing is to find one that works for you.
- Mindfulness practices can benefit both people who internalise and externalise by fostering greater emotional awareness and self-regulation. Techniques such as guided meditation, grounding exercises, or body scans can help reconnect with emotions in a balanced way. One place to start could be the use of a mindfulness app or resource such as Smiling Mind or take a look at our recent blog on mindfulness.
Embracing Emotional Awareness with Self-Compassion
It’s important to remember that both internalising and externalising are ways of coping with emotions. Rather than labelling these tendencies as right or wrong, we can approach them with curiosity and self-compassion. By understanding our emotional styles, we can work toward a healthier, more balanced way of processing and regulating our feelings.
If this resonates with you, consider reflecting on your own patterns. How do you typically handle emotions? What small steps could help you feel more in control and supported? Awareness is the first step toward meaningful change.
If you find yourself struggling with emotional processing and would like professional support, speaking with a psychologist can provide valuable guidance and strategies tailored to your needs. You don’t have to navigate this alone, help is available
Article supplied with thanks to The Centre for Effective Living.
Feature image: Canva
