It starts with a listening ear.

It’s not only the ‘needy’ in our community who benefit from a helping hand. We all need help from time to time, and it can also do us good to be the help that someone else needs, but what is the best way to extend a hand of friendship?

Listening is the best place to start!

CEO of Wayside Chapel, Jon Owen; CEO of Entrepreneurial and Small Business Women Australia, Amanda Rose; and aged care chaplain, Jenny Blok, discuss what it means to lend a helping hand.

Amanda explains that the best helping hand is the one that comes from the heart and goes unseen.

She says that a helping hand is being there when no one else is. People can fuss over someone who has had an accident or done well in business, but when times are tough, often those initial ‘helpers’ are nowhere to be seen. That’s the time to step in privately and give a helping hand.

Jenny adds to this, drawing on her experience in the aged care sector where, she says, offering a helping hand to the elderly is the same as any other stage in life. She emphasises the importance of listening first.

“I think we need to be asking permission as well because we can step in thinking that this person needs us … (but) they’re quite capable of doing things themselves! We don’t want to take away their independence.”

Jon agrees and shares some practical advice he gives to volunteers when they first come to lend a helping hand at Wayside Chapel.

“People just need you to love them … so bring a fresh pair of socks. The moment someone is sharing with you about what it’s like to sleep rough and you’re tempted to download your wisdom, take that fresh pair of socks and shove them in your mouth and just listen.”

Article supplied with thanks to Helping Hands TV.

About the Author: Helping Hands is an Australian produced TV program that airs on 9GEM, Channel 9 and 9NOW, and showcases people and organisations who make the world a better place.

Feature image: Canva

How to beat the mid-year slump.

Author, Mentor and Speaker Amanda Viviers explores the mid-year wobble, when the energy has worn off, resolutions aren’t prevalent, and many of us are tired and feel like we’ve failed at what we set out to do.

The Essential Mid-Year Reset

Amanda explained why a reset in the middle of the year is essential to avoiding burnout before the year is over. She wrote her master’s thesis on burnout, especially in ministry.

She pointed out that getting her marks back from her thesis was a goal done, as part of her new year aspirations.

“That was one of my goals for the year, right? But if you had have spoken to me three months ago, I was definitely questioning my life choices. Why am I doing this study? Does it really matter?”

Inner Dialogue

Amanda had convinced herself that there was chance she wouldn’t pass.

“I think what I realized in the midst of that is our inner dialogue, the way that we speak to ourselves, actually drains us more than we give it credit for.”

She said a great way to manage this is by setting ourselves smaller, simpler rhythms in our day-to-day in order to curb the pressure and negative self-talk.

“Finding ways to be able to reflect well really changes our relationship with the bigger things in our life.”

Name the Areas

Amanda said that naming the areas that are preventing us from succeeding is part of the goal.

“I think actually naming what’s stopping us from really leaning into the good. So really good reflection and prayer and meditation practices change our ability to be able to do the hard things.”

As an example, Amanda said she has a list of six things she is focusing on.

“Every day I come back to that list and I ask myself, what’s one small thing that I can do to really lean into that?”

Last year she suffered from burnout, so she found that the rhythm of friendship on top of parenting teenagers and volunteering at church reignited her sense of connection.

“So, one of my goals for 2026 is to feel more connected to my friends. So a micro goal around that for me is as simple as call someone today.”

She said that she can wait for other people to contact her when she is busy, but there is a desire to feel connected. Calling her friends is an actionable way to meet that goal and find what she is looking for to reset as she faces the next six months of the year.

Reset and Reframe

“I think it’s really important that we look holistically at our whole life. There’s really good research around burnout and we think it’s workload, I’m doing too much or there is a lot of stress in one area of our life, which is true.”

She continued by zooming out onto the whole picture, in order to reframe what is causing burnout.

“What gives us energy and what drains us? And for all of us, it’s really personal. It changes. All of us have a different relationship with different things.”

Amanda has been holding classes where people write and journal.

“For a lot of people, they think, oh, yeah, journaling, just another thing. Add another 20 minutes, 50 minutes onto my day. Then I have to think deeply about my life and reflection.”

Amanda said that the beauty of journaling is getting out of your head and putting thoughts onto paper in order to gain perspective,

“I’ve had some of the clients that I’ve been working with who are saying to me, I have been struggling with this for three years and the simple act of just writing it down, putting it out on paper, getting some perspective, doing it with someone else, that sense of common clarity together as a group and just feeling like I’m human, I do get things wrong. Just that sense of failure.”

Lean into Failure

Leaning into failure is such a valuable way to learn.

“Often we don’t do the things that we desire to do because we feel so afraid of failing. But the possibility of us being able to really lean into our failures and what are we learning from that failure? What are we learning about why we get stuck in that place? What is God saying to me in this season of my life when I’m sitting with humility with the things where I get stuck?”

The greatest learning stems from that, according to Amanda.

“That is where the energy fires… that aha moment. It’s like, I’ve carried this for so long and it’s now time to put that weight down and to reframe it in a new way.”

The Right Club

The right group of friends will determine how far you take your goals and what effects of burnout you are dealing with.

“There’s some really interesting research around burnout from a researcher called Christina Malak. And she speaks about workload, she speaks about autonomy, that sense of being able to be self-directed. But she speaks really clearly around the power of encouragement and the power of words to be able to really impact us in the positive as well as the negative.”

She said there is power in self-talk, but also in the way that we speak to our children and their schooling. There’s importance in positive reinforcement towards what is good.

Think About Such Things

“How do we get out of our own sense of our inner critic or the imposter that tells us we’re not good enough?”

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.” – Philippians 4:8

Amanda said, if someone is outside of that, able to speak with encouragement, exhortation, reminding us who we are in Christ, we can lean into that.

“That is the power of community.”

Make it Smaller

When we are dealing with lofty goals, it is important to start small.

“The world tells us to make our life bigger, so make your life smaller. What is 10 minutes that you could do today? Is it 10 minutes of reading the Bible and asking yourself one question? Walking the block rather than an hour at the gym? Is it 10 minutes of a conversation on a phone with a friend rather than going and staying overnight somewhere.”

She reiterated, we cannot tackle the big things before we start with the small.

Amanda used an analogy of starting small with the big dreams. When she has discussed dreams with her teenage son, he said after school he wants to go to the NBA.

“Okay, mate,” she said, “Let’s just start with 20 baskets in our driveway.”

Top Tips

1. Get out of your head

“Make it physical. At the moment, we have a new puppy. Her name is Cashew. We’ve never had a dog before. And we are trying to train her to go to the toilet outside, you know, all the joys of puppy. We made a bingo card on the fridge and because we want to get the kids involved, they initial each time they take the dog outside.”

2. Gamify it

“How can you put up next to, on the mirror in your bathroom, one thing that you’re going to do and really attain that and do that really simply and find a way to be able to gamify it in a really good way?”

The Importance of Grace

“We are meaner to ourselves than anyone else is to us, and those voices of condemnation actually come from our childhood,” said Amanda.

Perhaps an authority figure said something to us and it frames our inner critic. Amanda said there is a chance to ask if God would show us His thoughts around that part of our life and reframe it with compassion.

“It was really funny, I was speaking at a conference recently and I was talking, got off stage and then another speaker got up and they looked at me and they said, ‘Amanda, God speaks to you so much kinder than he speaks to me.’ And I just sat there and I was like, I have worked so much on reframing how I hear from God as a compassionate, loving father rather than a harsh judge.”

God is Kind

“God is kinder than what we give him credit for. And the way that we hear from him is actually reflected in the way that we speak to ourselves as well. Finding ways to be able to reframe that through scripture, through beautiful worship, and also just reminding ourselves that God loves us, that we are enough, and that he really does believe good things for our year.”

“Grace looks like beginning again through the lens of compassion. It is a powerful way for us to live our everyday.”

Article supplied with thanks to Sonshine.

Feature image: Canva

What makes a marriage last?

It seems like everywhere we look today there is a new “marriage hack” promising to solve all our problems. Social media projects picture-perfect, storybook marriages all over our feed, convincing us this should be reality. And when we look back at our own marriages and see struggle and conflict, we are left feeling dissatisfied and unfulfilled. But the strongest marriages aren’t built on clever life hacks or perfect compatibility. They’re built intentionally, one decision at a time.

Pastor Greg Laurie reminds us that healthy marriages don’t happen by accident. They are cultivated through God’s design and a daily commitment to choosing one another. As Greg puts it, “If you see a marriage that is strong, it’s because they’re working on their marriage. They’re not taking their hand off the wheel.”

Why Do Marriages Drift Apart?

Very few marriages fall apart overnight. More often, distance develops through busy schedules, competing priorities and slow neglect of the relationship. We assume our spouse knows how much we love them, so we stop expressing it. Before long, we’re simply managing life together rather than intentionally building a relationship.

Strong marriages don’t casually drift towards health. They grow because two people spend intentional time investing in one another.

Greg reminds us that every healthy marriage requires ongoing care. Just as you wouldn’t expect a garden to flourish without tending it, a marriage won’t thrive if it’s left on autopilot.

God’s Design Was Always Relationship

Marriage wasn’t humanity’s idea, it was God’s. Greg shares that according to the Bible, “we are built for relationship with one another.”

In Genesis 2, after creating Adam, God declares, “It is not good for the man to be alone.” Everything else in creation had been called “good,” yet Adam’s loneliness was the first thing God described as “not good.”

Marriage wasn’t created simply to make people happy. It was God’s loving provision for companionship, partnership and mutual support.

Greg explains that Eve wasn’t created because Adam needed someone to complete household tasks. She was created as “someone who assists another to reach fulfilment.” Together, Adam and Eve reflected God’s intention that men and women flourish through faithful relationship.

When we realise that marriage isn’t just a cultural or “man-made” tradition, but a covenant created by God, it completely reshapes how we approach relationship.

Leave, Cleave and Keep Choosing Each Other

One of the Bible’s most practical principles for marriage comes from Genesis 2:24:

“Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

Greg points out that “marriage begins with the leaving of other relationships.” That doesn’t mean abandoning our families but recognising that a new primary relationship has begun. Our spouse becomes our first earthly priority.

Then comes cleaving. The word means to cling, to hold fast or to be joined together. Greg compares it to superglue. Not in the sense of being “stuck” with someone, but of choosing to hold tightly to one another through every season of life.

Healthy marriages aren’t built on grand romantic gestures alone. They’re built through thousands of small decisions to keep choosing each other every day. Greg encourages us to “have intimacy and closeness and friendship in this marriage that you can cultivate and keep alive forever.”

A Strong Marriage is More Than Romance

Culture often tells us that love is primarily about feelings. It’s all about romance, desire and physical attraction. And if the feelings fade, then the relationship wasn’t meant to be. But biblical love offers a radically different perspective.

Romance is a wonderful gift, but feelings naturally rise and fall. Biblical love is rooted in commitment long before it’s rooted in emotion. It chooses faithfulness when life becomes difficult. It continues serving even when it’s inconvenient.

Greg reminds us that “marriage is a picture of Christ and the Church.” As husbands sacrificially love their wives and wives respond with honour and respect, they display the gospel to the world around them. And when we realise this, we learn to understand that marriage is not just about our own happiness but reflecting God’s faithful love to the world.

Daily Choices Create Strong Marriages

There is no secret formula for a strong marriage, no “marriage hack” that will suddenly make your life easier. There is, however, a daily choice.

Strong marriages are built by couples who keep showing up for one another. Even when it’s hard, they keep communicating, they keep laughing and they keep praying.

But Greg reminds us of the ultimate truth, “our greatest needs are not fulfilled in marriage, our greatest needs are fulfilled in Jesus.” Jesus is the centre of our marriages, not just someone we turn to when things go wrong. When Christ is at the centre of a marriage, love becomes less about getting our own way and more about serving one another. That’s where lasting strength is found.

The secret behind a strong marriage isn’t perfection. It’s two imperfect people, trusting God’s perfect design and choosing, day after day, to keep their hands on the wheel.

Article supplied with thanks to Vision – a non-profit, follower-funded Christian media ministry taking God’s Word to every corner of Australia and beyond through broadcast, online and print media.

Feature image: Canva

How having access to clean, safe water changed Kikama’s whole future.

Eleven-year-old Kikama lives in a remote village in Longido, Tanzania. She is bright, full of life, and dreams of one day becoming a doctor so she can help people suffering from sickness and disease. But from the young age of seven, Kikama’s dreams were sidelined by a heavy jerrycan. 

Instead of sitting in a classroom, Kikama’s days were consumed by walking for hours along rocky paths to collect water from the forest for her family. To make matters worse, the only water she found was shared with wild animals and contaminated with bacteria and parasites. 

“The water that we were going to collect in the forest was not safe to drink because wild animals were drinking the same water, the livestock were drinking the same water, at the same place. People were bathing there, washing right there. So the water was not clean,” she recalls. 

The unsafe water meant Kikama constantly missed school, and watched her friends and family repeatedly fall ill. Even when food was available, the dirty water robbed children’s bodies of critical nutrients, threatening their health and stalling precious potential.  

“It led to diseases like cholera, dysentery, and people were getting sick because of that water. It was not clean at all,” she says tearfully. 

The Day Kikama’s Life Changed 

Kikama’s life changed when Convoy of Hope came to her community. Partnering with local leadership and experts, Convoy started with drilling boreholes and setting up water pumps, towers, pipelines, and taps – bringing a reliable source of safe water right to Kikama’s school in the heart of the community. 

Image: Kikama and friends using the new hand-washing station at school.

With fresh water available at school, everything transformed. Convoy provided agricultural training for local farmers – and helped set up a flourishing vegetable garden and tomato greenhouses at the school. It provides healthy food for school lunches, and also generates income that will help the community maintain the water pumps for years to come. 

Kikama no longer has to choose between an education and survival. Today, she can pour her energy into studying to become a doctor. As she joyfully puts it: “Everything is going so, so well after getting water.” 

“Our life has changed a lot after getting water at school… we are getting water for cooking, at school we’re getting food. We’re getting water for washing our clothes, for cleaning, doing all the hygienic activities at school.” 

Image: Children Washing Produce Grown with Water.

With water, Kikama’s school now grows fresh vegetables and tomatoes which helps her and her friends stay healthy.

You Can Give a Child Safe Water  

Joel A’Bell, National Director of Convoy of Hope Australia and New Zealand, says that access to safe water does so much more than quench thirst. It shatters the cycle of poverty and unlocks health, dignity, and opportunity for entire villages. 

“The harsh reality is that 1 in 4 people globally still lack access to safe drinking water. For young girls like Kikama, this crisis turns daily life into a struggle and stops them from attending school,” he explains. 

Through a simple act of generosity, you can help transform the life of a child like Kikama.

Every dollar multiplies hope, one drop at a time: 

You can give a child like Kikama a life-giving gift of safe water here.

*Statistic provided by the World Health Organisation.

Article supplied with thanks to Convoy of Hope

Mariska Meldrum, Water for Life Day Campaign Manager 

Feature image: Supplied

International Justice Mission Warns of Growing Forced Scamming Crisis.

30 July marks World Day Against Trafficking in Persons – a global day dedicated to raising awareness about human trafficking and promoting the protection and rights of victims and survivors.

International Justice Mission (IJM) Australia CEO David Braga said, “Human trafficking is a crime that thrives on vulnerability, denying people their freedom, dignity, and fundamental human rights. It affects millions of people worldwide and takes many forms, including forced labour, sexual exploitation and forced criminality.

This year’s World Day Against Trafficking in Persons aims to raise awareness of trafficking into forced criminality in online scam centres, also known as forced scamming.

 “Forced scamming is a rapidly evolving form of human trafficking where victims are trafficked via fake job ads, stripped of documents and confined in guarded compounds under threats of violence and torture where they are forced to run lucrative online scams, such as crypto fraud and sextortion.”

“This human trafficking crisis has its roots in Southeast Asia in countries including Cambodia and Myanmar and is expanding globally to set up operations in Latin America, Eastern Europe, Africa, and the Middle East, affecting hundreds of thousands of trafficking victims – often vulnerable migrant workers from over 80 countries around the world.

Archangela* is an Indonesian survivor of forced scamming in Manila who IJM assisted and is now a founding director of the United Resilience Network. She said, “I hope what I went through never happens to anyone else—the ordeal I experienced as a victim of human trafficking… It was a decision I made in the midst of my vulnerability, driven by fear and anxiety about meeting my basic needs and securing my future.

“I faced many challenges in trying to return home and escape this terrifying situation, such as exorbitant fines imposed by the company… I had to work for hours on end if targets weren’t met or if I had to put in long hours; on top of that, various punishments awaited me, and I never received the salary I had hoped for,” Archangela said.

IJM has worked to support over 2,700 people whom we have determined to be victims of forced scamming in Southeast Asia’s scam compounds. We have secured 18 convictions against scam bosses responsible for human trafficking offences, including a landmark 30-year sentence handed down in Thailand and recently three sentences of life imprisonment in the Philippines.

“IJM is also partnering with tech platforms to monitor and remove fraudulent recruitment ads targeting potential trafficking victims. We have collaborated with the UNODC on the #TrappedInScamCrime awareness campaign aimed at preventing trafficking into online scamming, and are supporting survivor-led movements like the United Resilience Network who are shaping solutions to this crisis,” Mr Braga said.

As communities around the world mark World Day Against Trafficking in Persons, IJM is encouraging Australians to learn more about the realities of modern slavery and the role each of us can play in helping end violence and exploitation against vulnerable people. You can read more here.

*Pseudonym used to protect the identity of this survivor.

Article supplied with thanks to IJM

IJM is committed to protecting the dignity, privacy and safety of vulnerable people. Names, details and images may be changed or represented by actors to protect identities. All stories and images are used with informed consent and safeguarding practices.

Feature image: Canva

Finding rest in God every day.

As I write this, I am sitting on the verandah of a farmhouse built in 1915. The breeze is chilly, but I am rugged up and the sun occasionally breaks through the clouds. A couple of birds engage in a noisy game of chasey in a nearby tree. I haven’t seen a car for hours. I am surrounded by fields of green crops just peeping above the surface, encouraged by this year’s rains. It’s not just that I am resting. I feel completely rested.

But it’s not always a practical solution to drive out to the farm and stay for a few days. This feeling of being rested should be transferable to real life, even in the midst of daily routines and struggles. Rest needs to be something I can carry with me as much as something I do.

Matthew 11:28-30 tells us that we find rest in Jesus as we come to him, walk with him, and learn from him. Is that the answer?  I think that it is. We can implement routines for rest, create habits to help us, and set reminders to rest and work well. That’s still not the same as feeling completely rested. That feeling comes from surrender. It comes from total trust that even when things feel out of control, God is in control. 

Being rested and working from a place of rest starts with an acknowledgment that God is our place of rest. Then we can navigate work, life, family, and relationships from a posture of peace, even in the hard times.

Article supplied with thanks to Lorrene McClymont.

About the Author: Lorrene McClymont is a writer and photographer from Hope Images. On her blog ‘Moments to Rest’, she shares about rest, faith, and family.

Feature image: Canva

Why people become compulsive overachievers (and how to break the cycle)

Have you ever found yourself glued to your desk, long after the clock has struck five, while your friends and family are out enjoying their evening? You’re not alone. Sadly, the term “workaholic” is becoming increasingly common. It describes those who can’t seem to switch off, often to the detriment of their health, relationships, and overall happiness. But what drives someone to become a workaholic?

The Psychology Behind Workaholism

At the heart of workaholism lies a complex mix of psychological, social, and cultural influences. Understanding these can help address the reasons behind our relentless work habits:

1.Identity and Self-Worth

For many, work is more than just a job; it’s a core part of their identity. We often tie our self-esteem to our achievements at work. When our job becomes our primary source of validation, it’s easy to lose sight of what really matters.

Take Lauren, for instance. As a dedicated project manager, she pours herself into her work, believing that her worth is tied to her output. When she takes on more projects, she feels validated. However, this leaves little room for her personal life, and her friendships begin to suffer.

2. Perfectionism

Many workaholics are also perfectionists, setting impossibly high standards for themselves. This desire for perfection can be debilitating, pushing individuals to work harder and longer to meet their own (often unrealistic) expectations.

A study published in Personality and Individual Differences found a strong link between perfectionism and workaholism, suggesting that those with perfectionistic tendencies are more likely to develop a workaholic mindset. It’s a relentless cycle that can lead to burnout.

3. Fear of Failure

Let’s be honest, fear can be a powerful motivator. Many workaholics worry that if they don’t constantly push themselves, they’ll fall behind or disappoint others.

This fear of failure can drive them to put in extra hours, thinking that hard work is the only way to secure their success.

Society often glorifies hard work, equating busyness with success. In many cultures, particularly in the West, we’re taught that working long hours is a badge of honour. This cultural mindset can make it difficult to step back and take a breather.

In Japan, there’s even a term, “karoshi”, which means death from overwork. It’s a stark reminder of the extreme consequences that can arise from a culture that prioritises work over well-being.

The Digital Age

Technology has transformed how we work, making it easier than ever to be “on” 24/7. Smartphones and laptops allow us to stay connected, but they can also blur the lines between work and home life.

According to a Gallup survey, 43% of employees report feeling burned out at work—a condition that can be exacerbated by the constant connectivity that comes with modern technology (Gallup, 2020).

The Impact of Workaholism

While dedication to work can be admirable, the consequences of workaholism can be severe:

Health Problems: Chronic stress can lead to a host of health issues, including anxiety, depression, and even cardiovascular problems. When work takes precedence over self-care, our bodies often pay the price.

Strained Relationships: Workaholics frequently prioritise their jobs over personal relationships. Friends and family may feel neglected, leading to tension and feelings of isolation.

Decreased Productivity: Ironically, working excessively can backfire. Overwork can lead to fatigue and decreased focus, ultimately diminishing the quality of our work.

Finding Balance: Breaking the Cycle

If you recognise these patterns in yourself, know that you’re not alone- and that it’s possible to change. Here are some strategies to help cultivate a healthier work-life balance:

Set Boundaries

Establish clear boundaries between your work and personal life. Decide on specific hours for work and stick to them. Resist the temptation to check emails or complete tasks outside of these hours.

Prioritise Self-Care

Make time for activities that rejuvenate you—whether that’s exercise, hobbies, or simply spending time with loved ones. Remember, self-care isn’t selfish; it’s essential.

Seek Professional Support
If workaholism is significantly impacting your life, consider speaking with a mental health professional. Therapy can provide valuable tools to manage perfectionism, fear of failure, and the underlying psychological factors that drive workaholism.

Redefine Success

Shift your definition of success to include not just professional achievements but also personal fulfilment and relationships. Remember that a well-rounded life is a successful life.

While the pressures of modern life can make workaholism feel inevitable, we do have the power to make changes.

By recognising the signs and understanding the motivations behind our work habits, we can take proactive steps toward a more balanced life. Finding that equilibrium is a journey, and it’s one that requires small, intentional choices every day. So, let’s make a conscious effort to switch off, take breaks, and embrace the moments that matter.

After all, while hard work can lead to success, true fulfilment comes from a life well-lived, both inside and outside the office.

Article supplied with thanks to Sabrina Peters.

About the Author: Sabrina is a pastor and a psychologist who is dedicated to helping people experience wholeness and growth. Passionate about building healthy families, she spends her days raising kids, supporting clients, and creating resources that inspire freedom and hope.

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How can you know you truly belong to Christ and have eternal life?

Chris Jolly spoke with Simon Manchester, assistant minister at All Saints Woollahra, teacher at Cornhill Bible College and host of Hope 103.2’s Christian Growth podcast, about what it means to become a Christian and how believers can know they have eternal life.

Many Christians, especially those new to faith, wonder whether they have truly been saved. Simon said the Bible offers confidence, not uncertainty, to those who trust in Jesus.

“We’re not talking about hope. We’re talking about knowing,” Simon said.

Simon’s journey to faith

Simon became a Christian during his final year of school after attending a Christian camp.

There, he said, two truths came together for the first time: his own need for forgiveness and Jesus’ offer of salvation.

“I learned that I had sinned and fallen short of the glory of God… and I learned that Christ had come into the world to save sinners,” Simon said.

That decision ultimately led him into a lifetime of ministry, teaching and helping others understand the Christian faith. It also inspired his contribution to a new guidebook designed to help new Christians navigate topics such as prayer, the Bible, family life, work and doubt.

A new heart, not a perfect life

During the conversation, Chris raised a common concern among new Christians: what happens when you still struggle with sin, doubt or failure?

Simon said becoming a Christian does not mean instantly becoming perfect.

“You’re new but you’re not perfect,” Simon said.

Instead, Christians receive what the Bible describes as a new heart and a new desire to follow Christ. While believers continue to wrestle with their old nature, they also discover a growing desire to pray, learn from Scripture and stay close to God.

Simon explained that Jesus’ teaching about abiding in the vine is ultimately about remaining close to Him and depending on Him rather than drifting away.

Assurance comes from Christ, not performance

One of Simon’s strongest messages was that assurance should not be based on how well a person thinks they are performing spiritually.

Good days and bad days come and go. Emotions change. Confidence rises and falls.

Instead, Christians are called to look to Christ.

“Forget about your performance. Ask yourself about the performance of Christ,” Simon said.

Rather than looking inward, Simon encouraged listeners to look at God’s promises in Scripture, particularly the promises given through Jesus.

When feelings fluctuate, God’s Word remains unchanged.

Adoption and baptism

To help explain assurance, Simon used the picture of adoption.

Just as an adopted child becomes part of a family through the commitment of loving parents, Christians become part of God’s family through faith in Christ.

Once adopted into God’s family, believers can live with confidence in His love and commitment to them.

The conversation also touched on baptism. Simon explained that baptism is an important public declaration of faith, but it is not what saves someone.

Rather, baptism demonstrates outwardly what God has already done inwardly through faith.

For new Christians, it becomes a visible way of declaring that they now belong to Christ and want to follow Him.

Article supplied with thanks to Hope 103.2.

Chris is the host of Hope Drive, bringing light, uplifting stories and thoughtful conversation to listeners every afternoon. Chris initially studied science before diving into an IT career before following his life-long passion (talking!) and joining the Hope team.

Feature image: Canva

And how to finally solve it…

It starts the same way every time.

Maybe it’s about chores. Or money. Or how one of you shuts down while the other gets louder. The details may change, but the feeling is familiar: frustration, defensiveness, miscommunication. You know how it will go before it even begins. One of you says something. The other reacts. The argument escalates. You both walk away feeling unheard, exhausted, and a little more distant.

If you feel like you’re stuck on repeat, you’re not imagining it. In fact, psychologists call these recurring arguments “conflict cycles”, and they’re one of the most common issues couples face.

But here’s the good news: you’re not doomed to keep looping. With insight and intention, it’s possible to break the pattern and create deeper understanding instead of deeper wounds.

Why Couples Get Stuck in the Same Fight

At the surface, recurring arguments may look like they’re about everyday issues, laundry, parenting styles, weekend plans. But beneath these topics are often deeper, unmet emotional needs.

According to Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) founder Dr. Sue Johnson, most recurring conflict is not about the issue itself—but about the emotional message behind it. When couples argue about surface issues, what they’re often really saying is:

• “Do I matter to you?”
• “Can I trust you to be there for me?”
• “Will you respond to my needs?”

These are attachment needs, and when they go unacknowledged, they trigger fear, anger, or withdrawal.

“Couples don’t get stuck because they disagree. They get stuck because they can’t get past the emotional loop that disagreement triggers.” – Dr. Sue Johnson

Understanding Your Conflict Pattern

The Gottman Institute refers to these loops as “negative sentiment override.” When couples build up emotional residue over time, they begin to interpret each other’s words through a lens of past hurt. Even neutral comments can feel loaded.

A typical conflict cycle often looks like this:

1. One partner brings up an issue (often with frustration or criticism).
2. The other gets defensive or shuts down.
3. The original partner escalates, feeling ignored.
4. The other retreats further, feeling attacked.
5. Both walk away feeling misunderstood, and the core issue goes unresolved.

This is known in therapy as a pursuer–withdrawer dynamic, a common pattern where one person seeks connection through confrontation, and the other seeks safety through distance.

If left unaddressed, this loop can quietly chip away at emotional safety in the relationship.

When couples start therapy, they often say, “We just argue over stupid things.” But what they’re describing is protest behaviour, a way of saying, “I’m hurting and I don’t know how to reach you.”

Let’s look at a few examples:

• The fight about chores is often really about feeling overwhelmed and unsupported.
• The argument about how much time you’re spending on your phone might actually be about craving attention and feeling disconnected.
• That repeated clash over parenting styles could be tapping into deep fears about safety or being undermined.

Conflict is rarely about what it seems. It’s a bid for connection, just expressed in a way that usually backfires.

How to Finally Break the Cycle

1. Slow Down the Reaction, Name the Pattern

The first step to change is awareness. Begin to notice the cycle instead of blaming the person. Try saying:

• “Hey, I think we’re in that loop again.”
• “This feels familiar, let’s try to pause and reset.”

Labeling the pattern disarms it. It reminds you that it’s not you vs. your partner, it’s you two vs. the cycle.

2. Shift from Blame to Vulnerability

Instead of saying, “You never listen to me,” try: “I feel hurt when I don’t feel heard. What I really need is to feel like my voice matters to you.”

This shift from accusation to expression lowers defenses and invites empathy. Research consistently shows that vulnerable communication (using “I” statements and expressing emotions) leads to more successful conflict resolution and higher relationship satisfaction (Gottman, 2015; Johnson et al., 1999).

3. Validate Before You Problem-Solve

Often, couples jump into fixing mode, but what’s really needed is emotional validation.

Validation sounds like:

• “That makes sense you’d feel that way.”
• “I can see how that would be hard.”
• “I didn’t realise it impacted you like that. Thank you for sharing.”

This doesn’t mean you’re agreeing with everything, it means you’re choosing empathy over defensiveness. And that opens the door to real resolution.

4. Repair Often and Early

Every couple argues. What separates healthy relationships from unhealthy ones is the ability to repair. According to Dr. John Gottman, the most successful couples aren’t those who avoid conflict, they’re the ones who know how to recover from it.

This might look like:

• A sincere apology: “I’m sorry I snapped. That wasn’t fair.”
• A touch, a laugh, or a moment of softness after tension.
• Coming back to the conversation later, when you’re both regulated.

Repair says: “You matter more than winning this fight.”

5. Consider Therapy to Go Deeper

If you find yourselves stuck in the same argument no matter how hard you try, it might be time to talk to someone who can help untangle the emotional knots beneath the surface.

Therapies like EFT and Gottman-based couples counselling have been shown to be highly effective in reducing negative cycles, improving emotional connection, and increasing satisfaction, even for couples in long-term distress.

As one client once told me, “We didn’t need someone to fix us, we just needed help learning how to hear each other again.”

Recurring arguments aren’t a sign that your relationship is broken. They’re a sign that something underneath is asking to be seen.

Every time you fight about “the same thing,” an invitation is being offered: to get curious, not critical. To move from reaction to reflection. From accusation to understanding.

You may never completely stop disagreeing, but you can stop spinning in circles. Because conflict, when handled well, doesn’t have to divide you.

It can deepen your intimacy.
It can teach you how to show up.
It can be the doorway to a stronger, more emotionally honest marriage.

You just have to learn how to listen to what it’s really saying.

Article supplied with thanks to Sabrina Peters.

About the Author: Sabrina is a pastor and a psychologist who is dedicated to helping people experience wholeness and growth. Passionate about building healthy families, she spends her days raising kids, supporting clients, and creating resources that inspire freedom and hope.

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How to keep your teen talking without pushing them away

Susan Woodworth from Walk and Talk Psychology  discusses the emotions that teenagers face as they are navigating different relationships and the pressure of those things competing for their attention.

“In my practice,” she began, “I actually give this homework to nearly all the parents of teenagers that I see.”

While toddlers have big emotions about the colour of their plate, teenagers are dealing with many internal emotions. Susan uses the term Conversation Loop to describe how to navigate talking with your teenager to keep them talking.

The Conversation Loop

“If your teenager came up to you and said, look, mum and dad, I’m having a really, really hard time and it would be really helpful if we could sit together and talk about this, that’s what you want them to hear.”

Unfortunately, it is seldom the case with teens.

Teenager Talk

“Teenager talk is a little different,” said Susan. “All behaviour is communication. The teenagers will say, ‘You don’t understand me. You don’t get it. You’re not even listening to me. It’s not the same as it was for you as it is for me.’”

Susan said that is their version of saying, ‘I am already irritated.’

Three Common Mistakes

One of the common mistakes parents can make is reacting to a behaviour before hearing the message underneath.

“If they’re giving you a hard time, they’re always having a hard time.”

The second is trying to have a serious conversation when parents are busy.

“Just before you are making dinner or getting ready to leave the house… Don’t have those conversations then. You are going to let your kid down when you have to leave.”

Finally, having these conversations while looking through your own lens of life experience.

“Instead, you need to focus on your child.”

Susan said it is more important to be with your child and pay attention to their problems, rather than trying to fix it through your own lived experience.

“Saying things like, ‘just don’t hang out with them… they’re not nice people,’ is an example where you are not actually listening to them.”

How to Have Conversations

1. Pay Attention

1. “Number one, pay attention to when they’re asking you to listen to them. Those words they said before, means, I need you to listen to me.

2. Set Aside Time

“You’ve got to set aside an hour of uninterrupted time to talk with them. It might not take that long, but it may do. So set aside an hour. And when you do it, have a relaxed atmosphere. So something non-confrontational, something like having bubble tea together or having hot chocolate or going for a walk together.”

3. Just Sit and Listen

Susan says that if your teenager doesn’t want to talk to you, just enjoy your time with them.

“Just sit and be quiet. No, don’t try and talk. Don’t say anything. Don’t offer advice. Don’t just say, ‘What’s going on? It looks like you’re having a hard time.’ Don’t offer any advice. Just listen.”

Susan recognises that it may be hard for parents to resist talking because so many want to offer wisdom and draw from their own experiences. She emphasises that listening is key.

“Just focus just on listening because there’s no point giving advice until you really understand what’s going on for them. So you don’t talk at all. When it’s your turn, when they’re finished, you try to repeat back what they’ve said in your own words.”

It helps them to see that you understand and hear them.

“Then you say, ‘Okay, what am I still not getting?’ If they say, ‘Close enough,’ it means ‘No’.”

“Ask them if they need any help, but usually once they’ve got the space to process this and talk about it. They’ve usually got it.”

Article supplied with thanks to Sonshine.

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