There was a constant background noise in my head.
Quiet thoughts saying, “You don’t really believe.”
“You’re a fake.”

It’s strange to look back now and realise how much I struggled with that.

Doubt wasn’t something we talked about much back then. Maybe by 2026, we’ve grown a bit more grace for our weaknesses, but as a teenager I found it hard to feel confident in my relationship with Jesus. I assumed everyone else had it sorted. They seemed so sure. So close to God. And then there was me.

If I had to describe that season, it was a mix of guilt and shame. And honestly, it was exhausting. Everyone talked about joy, but I couldn’t find it, so I tried for it. I worked harder at faith. I did the right things. I apologised to God for my nagging doubts, assuming they were proof that my faith just wasn’t strong enough.

Around that time, my health fell apart. It got bad enough that I had to stop university and step away from everything I was “doing for” God. For months, I was just Chloe. Not Chloe the worker. Just me. And it wasn’t comfortable.

I couldn’t distract myself anymore by trying to work my way out of feeling guilt and shame, and doubt in my connection to God was a dark cloud constantly hovering over me.

I needed a full reset.

Slowly, through months of sitting, reading, and praying, God taught me something I didn’t know I needed to learn. I actually did love Him. That might sound odd, but I had to learn to believe that I did. Guilt had convinced me that my heart was never quite right, that I was always falling short. But that was a lie. An accusation. And I had to stop agreeing with it.

I had to accept that I was made right with God because of what He had done, not because I could finally feel the right thing.

I stopped fighting the doubt and started resting in the truth that I was loved, and that I loved Him too. The accusations didn’t get the final say anymore.

Did the “you’re a fake” thoughts disappear overnight? No. But looking back now, that younger version of me feels almost unrecognisable.

About ten years ago, I shared this story with a group of people. I worried I’d sound unstable or overly dramatic. Instead, people came up to me saying, “I thought that was just me.”

So let’s bring it into the light.

If you’ve struggled to feel right with God, hear this. He genuinely loves you. And like a good parent, He wants you to feel safe and secure with Him.

Maybe it’s time to stop fighting the doubt and start resting in His love.

Article supplied with thanks to Rhema 99.7.

About the Author: Audrey Waugh is a writer who works in marketing at Rhema 99.7.

Feature image: Supplied