Self-identity is how we see and understand ourselves—knowing who we are, what we believe in, and how we feel about ourselves.

Susan Woodworth from Walk and Talk Psychology explains that a stable self-identity links to better mental health, a stronger sense of belonging, and validation from others. Friends play a key role in this by providing acceptance and a space to explore personal growth.

Friends and family shape self-identity through belonging and roles. The people we choose to surround ourselves with offer acceptance, which builds a positive self-image and reinforces core values. Family roles—like being a mum, sibling, or older sister—start this process early, evolving into social groups as we age, such as sporty or academic circles where we take on roles like leader or mediator.

Friends as Mirrors

Friends act as mirrors reflecting our inner selves. Consider five people you feel strongly about: what do you admire, share in common, or find irritating? Admiration often highlights traits you’re proud of or aspire to. Common ground validates your current values and sense of belonging. Irritation signals opposites to your values—what you don’t want to become.​

Different friends naturally bring out different personality sides, showing adaptability rather than inauthenticity. If your friends don’t align with how you see yourself, it can feel confusing. Choosing who to hang out with matters: surround yourself with those who make your identity feel balanced and true.

Parenting and Guiding Kids

Parents can gently guide children toward positive self-views by staying curious about their friendships. Ask what they like about these friends and what sides of themselves emerge. Friends help kids explore personality facets and decide what they want to become. Encourage meaningful interactions that build a strong personal identity.​

Susan reminds us that choosing surroundings thoughtfully foster mental wellbeing. By reflecting on our “mirrors” and roles, we discover more about ourselves and grow authentically.

Article supplied with thanks to Sonshine.

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I’ve lived in the same street for thirteen years now. One of the nice outcomes of this is that, whenever I leave the house, there’s always someone to say hello to.

There’s Lisa who runs the hairdressers, James who runs the launderette, and then. . . there’s Dave. Bearing a striking resemblance to Homer Simpson (a comparison he himself makes), Dave has taken it upon himself to be the neighbourhood entertainer. He puts signs on the street saying, “Honk if you’re happy!” He once put a manikin on the footpath holding a mirror with a sign that said, “You look lovely today!” Most afternoons Dave brings out his Bluetooth boombox and plays Bruce Springsteen at full volume—a gift many neighbours are yet to appreciate.

Meet Dave

Dave has a big heart, a big laugh, and is always ready with an opinion. So when I saw him a while back, I shouldn’t have been surprised when he looked me up and down and said, “You’ve put on weight!” I stumbled to reply. “I, I guess I have,” I said. Then he added, “As you were walking up, I thought to myself, There’s a man who’s gained some kilos.” You’ve got to love a neighbourhood where people recognise your face and your BMI.

“You’ve put on weight!” – Dave, neighbour

For the record, I don’t think it’s wise to comment on your neighbour’s weight! But there was something refreshing about Dave’s words. Politeness doesn’t serve us well when there are truths we need to hear, and research shows we’re not always great at telling them. One of the interesting discoveries from our 1100-respondent Friendship Lab Survey was that when a friendship breaks down, the cause is rarely discussed. Whether it’s unhealthy choices, annoying habits, or just the fact the new haircut doesn’t work, we need someone who’ll tell us the truth.

Truth with Love

The apostle Paul has some helpful advice on how to do this, telling us to “Speak the truth in love.” Speaking the truth requires getting brave and saying what needs to be said instead of hiding behind politeness or false flattery. The in love bit includes picking the right time and delivering the truth kindly, with the other person’s best interests at heart. This also says to me that when I’m on the receiving end, I should hear the truth in love too—listening humbly, rather than getting defensive.

Walking away from Dave, I checked my reflection in the window and had to admit he was right. I’d let the exercise slip. I’d lost track of my calories. I’d feel better losing a few kilos. The diet started the following Monday. And the next time Springsteen blasts across the street, well. . . it might just be my turn to speak the truth in love.

Article supplied with thanks to Sheridan Voysey.

About the Author: Sheridan Voysey is an author and broadcaster on faith and spirituality. His latest book is called Reflect with Sheridan. Download his FREE inspirational printable The Creed here.

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Australia is facing what many describe as a loneliness epidemic, with a third of us reportedly feeling lonely and one in four of us experiencing chronic, severe loneliness.

Psychologist Rachel Harker, founder of dating app Tribal and its friendship offshoot Connect by Tribal, wanted to do something that addresses the widespread social disconnection.

“Loneliness does not just affect singles, it affects everyone,” Rachel said.

“Parents, professionals, retirees – all of us are vulnerable to feeling disconnected.”

We know technology is one of the biggest drivers of loneliness, but so too is our reduced ability to be linked in to in-person communities.

“Everyone is behind a screen for a large portion of the day,” Rachel said.

“And [the way] modern society runs is very individualistic.

“We don’t have that community vibe like we used to.”

Rather than rejecting technology altogether, Rachel’s approach is to reshape it.

“I took a step back and said, ‘how can we embrace technology because it’s where the world is going’, but use it in a much more positive way?” Rachel said.

That vision led to Connect by Tribal, a values-based friendship app that “matches” friends based on those values to encourage deeper and more lasting connections.

“We can have really different personalities, but if we’ve got that core aligned value, that’s the key,” Rachel said.

The app’s designed to help those friendships to translate into face-to-face spaces through its “community circles”.

“The [community circles] is a group chat feature where you can connect with users based on aligned interest or groups,” Rachel said.

“If you’re new to town, new parent, a pet lover, a foodie, you can connect and chat about that interest topic in particular.

“So it goes beyond just one-on-one conversations.”

Rachel hope for Australian’s feeling isolated is that her platform will provide safe, meaningful ways for people to find friendship and belonging.

“Swiping on a photo for a friend just didn’t sit well with me,” Rachel said.

“It doesn’t matter what our friends look like. True friendship is about personality and aligned interests.”

Article supplied with thanks to Hope Media.

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Making friends at school isn’t always easy. Sometimes, kids come home feeling left out, upset, or even anxious. Parenting expert Michelle Mitchell unpacks what’s really going on and how parents can help.

Friends Can Come from Anywhere

“Friends can come in all places and spaces,” said Michelle. “They don’t have to be the same age or even from school.”

Still, many kids go through seasons where they feel like they don’t belong. “We probably all remember a time we didn’t fit in with a group,” she shared.

When Loneliness Lasts Too Long

Feeling left out for a short time is normal. But if it goes on too long, it can affect a child’s mental health.

“If our child is in that space for an extended period,” Michelle said, “they might start thinking something is wrong with them.”

She explained that this kind of thinking can lead to anxiety, self-doubt, and even depression.

Don’t Project Your Worries

As parents, we often feel anxious when our kids don’t seem to fit in.

“But if we think something is drastically wrong,” Michelle said, “we might project that onto our kids.”

Instead, take a step back. Many kids bounce back socially as they grow. Some even make lifelong friends later in life.

When Social Struggles Persist

Michelle noted a difference between short-term struggles and ongoing problems. “If year after year, your child is still struggling, there may be a need for extra support,” she said.

In rare cases, a change of school has helped but it’s not always a fix. “Research says most problems follow kids when they move,” Michelle explained, “usually around six to eight months later.”

The Rumination Spiral

What if your child comes home upset every day, going over the same story? “We call that looping or ruminating,” Michelle said. “And it can spiral their self-view in a negative direction.”

Kids might say things like, “No one likes me,” or “I’m a loser.” They might fixate on messages or gossip in group chats.

Too Much Talk Can Backfire

Parents want to help. But endless conversations about social issues can backfire. “It can actually make things worse,” Michelle warned. “It often leads to catastrophising.”

Instead of encouraging more talk, help your child reset. “Get them off their phone. Give them space. Let them play Lego with their younger sibling,” she suggested.

Space can give them a fresh mindset and reduce the emotional charge.

When They Don’t Want to Go to School

Some kids become so overwhelmed they refuse to go to school. This could be caused by anxiety or bullying.

Either way, Michelle said, “Trusted adults need to come together to form a plan. Not to push the child, but to help them take small steps forward.”

Let your child be part of that plan. “We want to talk to our kids like they’re powerful people,” she added. “Not take their power away.”

Teaching Emotional Regulation

Helping kids manage their feelings is a key parenting role but it’s not about saying more.

“Over-talking can push people away,” Michelle said. “Sometimes, we just need to zip it and listen.”

Even though kids are encouraged to share, they also need to learn when it’s helpful and when it isn’t.

What If They Have the Wrong Friends?

It’s hard to watch your child form friendships with kids who are a bad influence. But forcing change rarely works.

“When kids leave our home, we can’t control who they hang out with,” Michelle said. “So focus on them, not their friends.”

She recommends saying something like, “I like you. And I miss the you I know. What’s going on?”

Compassion matters. “For teenagers, there’s nothing worse than being alone,” Michelle explained.

When Attitudes Start Changing

But what if those friendships are now changing your child’s behaviour?

“Name it. Be honest about where you stand,” Michelle advised. “And still love them exactly where they’re at.”

Set boundaries calmly. “Say, ‘I love you. But my answer is still no for that party or whatever it is.’”

Making New Friends in Term Two

What about kids who want to make friends but feel all the groups are already formed?

Michelle’s advice: Start small. “Look for micro moments someone sitting alone, someone who drops something. Say hi.”

Small steps can lead to big connections.

Article supplied with thanks to Sonshine.

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